Today’s post is by author Joni B. Cole.
As a long-time workshop leader, I’m in awe of how some writers are masters at putting themselves on a path of creative self-destruction. In a way, it’s a beautiful, albeit demented, thing to behold—sort of like watching Glen Powell wrangling that F-5 tornado in Twisters. As a writer myself, I watch them and think, Wow. And I thought I was good at making myself miserable and getting in my own way.
What is it that makes these master self-saboteurs so good at what they do?
The question got me thinking about Stephen R. Covey’s book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change. The book has sold over 40 million copies and is still transforming the lives of everyone from presidents to parents. After revisiting that book, it occurred to me that highly effective people and highly ineffective writers have a lot in common. Indeed, I’d say they both share the same seven habits, except the latter applies all that initiative in the wrong direction.
What follows are examples of how highly ineffective writers manage to twist Covey’s seven habits for positive change into powerful lessons on personal sabotage.
Habit 1: Be proactive.
In his book, Covey writes that highly effective people take responsibility for their choices. They don’t just sit around waiting for whatever befalls them. They make it a habit to act rather than react.
The same goes for highly ineffective writers. Master self-saboteurs preempt any potential criticism of their work by being the first to trash talk it. They don’t succumb to outsiders trying to influence or support them with feedback, instruction, brutal honesty, or praise. When it comes to personal sabotage, highly ineffective writers always make the first move, pooh poohing all routes to a more productive and positive writing life.
Habit 2: Begin with the end in mind.
Imagine you are at your own funeral. What are people saying about you at your service? Covey says highly effective people decide how they want to be remembered—from their achievements to the values that guided their success. They then use those insights as the foundation for living a principle-centered life that helps them focus and flourish.
Highly ineffective writers also begin with the end in mind. Often, before they have even started their novels or memoirs, they fast forward to how all their efforts will likely play out:
- Their book never sells because, let’s face it, unless you’re a celebrity or know someone, it’s next to impossible to land an agent or publisher, plus no one reads anymore anyway.
- Or, miracle of miracles, their book does get published, but then they’ll be expected to (ugh!) promote it, and the idea of having to hawk their work feels exhausting, nerve-wracking, and, frankly, beneath them. Indeed, just the thought of marketing their book makes them not even want to write it.
- Reviews! What’s the point of dedicating so much time and effort into publishing a book, just so a bunch of snobby critics and haters on Goodreads can trash their efforts for no good reason.
- Or, equally dismal, their book is a smashing success, which means they’ll be under relentless pressure to replicate that success. The highly ineffective writer takes a moment to imagine their own funeral. “I can’t think of anything more pathetic,” says one of the small handful of mourners in attendance, “than an author who turned out to be nothing more than a one-hit wonder.”
Habit 3: Put first things first.
Highly effective people act. Every day, they manage their time and make choices in a way that feeds their personal and professional life. They say “no” to the things that don’t match their principles and goals, and they prioritize the things that provide meaning and balance in the here and now.
Highly ineffective writers also make choices every day about where they spend their time and energy. First things first, they choose to start their days by texting all their writing friends to see if anyone else got up early to write. Then they check out a bunch of Instagram reels and go down that rabbit hole of celebrity StarTracks until finally, after they’ve finished clicking through a slideshow of fifty unforgettable looks at the Venice Film Festival, they are ready to work on that new chapter…except now it’s time to go to their day job.
And so goes another morning, another week, another weekend. For the highly ineffective writer, every day is a race against the clock to say “yes” to as many things as possible—social media, rearranging the photos on the mantle, volunteering wherever they are needed. The highly ineffective writer is a master of prioritizing anything that is not writing.
Habit 4: Think win-win.
Forget about winners and losers. Highly effective people see life as a cooperative, not a competition. When interacting with others, their goal is to seek a mutually beneficial agreement or solution—a win-win where both parties feel satisfied with the outcome.
Highly ineffective writers go a step further with this mindset. They think in terms of win-win-win, which means when they sit down to write, they hope to satisfy three parties. Naturally, they want to fulfill their own creative goals; for example, to write a memoir about their childhood growing up on a small farm in Iowa. But they also want to make sure the people who appear in their story are happy, including their five sisters who read an early draft of their manuscript and all agreed, “That’s not how it really happened!” And lastly, they feel the need to accommodate the members of their writing group, one of whom offered this feedback: “No one is going to want to read about someone’s boring childhood on a smelly family farm in the middle of nowhere.”
With this kind of win-win-win philosophy, the highly ineffective writer sets out to revise in a way that will provide a satisfactory outcome for, well, for pretty much everyone they know.
Habit 5: Seek first to understand and then to be understood.
Listening. It’s a tricky skill because lots of people, even if they do allow room for others to talk, only listen enough to figure out what they want to say in return. Whereas a highly effective person makes it a habit to actively and empathetically listen before communicating their own views. They listen with the intent to understand.
Similarly, the highly ineffective writer understands exactly what someone is saying, mostly because they actively put words in the other person’s mouth.
What is said: “I think the opening of your story would benefit from some trimming.”
What is understood: “Burn your entire manuscript.”
Said: “Your novel was a delight.”
Understood: “I’m just being nice so you’ll leave me alone.”
Said: “Thank you for your powerful submission. Unfortunately, your novel is not a good fit for our press.”
Understood: “We hated your novel and we hate you, too.”
Habit 6: Synergize.
The synergize habit is like habit 4 (Think win-win)—only on steroids. Highly effective people look for opportunities in all aspects of their life to unleash the power of collaboration; to create outcomes greater than the sum of their parts.
Given that writing, for the most part, is a solitary act, how does the highly ineffective writer practice a habit that involves teamwork, unity, and the type of math where one plus one equals three? The answer lies deep in their psyche.
Residing within the mind of the master self-saboteur is a quartet of collaborators—the creator, the editor, the critic, and the stan. Every time the highly ineffective writer sits down to write, these other team members unleash a torrent of opinions:
“Generate! Generate! Generate!” the creator insists.
“I don’t care if you’ve only written a few paragraphs,” the editor interrupts, “those passive verbs aren’t going to rewrite themselves!”
Meanwhile, the critic at this mental gathering doesn’t say a word because the musk of his disdain already communicates volumes. And the stan, bless his little heart, keeps piping in, “Your writing is perfect. Don’t change a thing!”
“Synergize! Synergize! Synergize!” the highly ineffective writer intones, while rocking back and forth, squeezing their head. But how can they make the whole greater than the sum of its parts when nothing they write ever seems to add up to anything?
Habit 7: Sharpen the saw.
We can all lose our edge from time to time, which is why highly effective people follow a balanced program of self-renewal in four areas of life: physical, social/emotional, mental, and spiritual. They regularly and consistently “sharpen the saw,” so to speak, to create growth and ongoing positive change.
The highly ineffective writer also sets goals in service to self-renewal, often to extremes:
- Run a marathon.
- Greet every sunrise with a sense of awe.
- Help save a bunch of endangered species.
- And, most importantly, write, write, write! Every. Single. Day!
And therein lies the final lesson in personal sabotage. Because while highly effective people seek a balanced program of self-improvement to renew their edge, highly ineffective writers are determined to make their saws so sharp they inevitably drive themselves right over the edge.
Joni B. Cole is the author of seven books, including the recent release Party Like It’s 2044: Finding the Funny in Life and Death. She is also the author of two writing guides: Good Naked: How to Write More, Write Better, and Be Happier (listed as one of the “best books for writers” by Poets & Writers); and Toxic Feedback: Helping Writers Survive and Thrive. Joni is the founder and facilitator of the upcoming “Good Naked Weekend Write-Away” in White River Junction, Vermont, Oct. 25 -27, 2024. For more information about her teaching, her books, or how to register for the Write-Away, visit: www.jonibcole.com or www.thewriterscenterwrj.com
Lilac City Rochester Writers 